New Begining

Well its 2009...i never rele wanted to make a big deal out of it after all its just another year...but since i moved out from my mothers wing...2009 is going to be my independent year. By 2010, i want to have my own place, car, phone, i want to be a singer, and i also don't want to be pregnant. i kno that i can accomplish anything i set my mind to...so its bout time i start getting to it. i kno i can...and i will! so 2009 give me all u got and make it rough cuz nothing can break me more than my own mother not wanting me...so hit me with your best shot!!! I am SO ready! But i'll warn you i'm a savoy woman so do not FUCK with me...i repeat...do not FUCK with me...no time for your bull shit! one more thing...if u want to start shit with me DON'T!!!
till next time...
Peace, Love, and always hot coco and fries

On My Own....

Quite pissed...got into ugly fight with mother...but it was well needed...she always put me down and made me feel like shit. all that shit is in the past now and i'm ready to get on with my own life and do wat i gotta do for me...cuz now its just me myself and i. Fuck my mom and fuck my spoiled sister...they ain't shit to me anymore.
But all will be well soon just gotta make a change...can't sit on my ass forever and wait. i gotta get up and grab myself.
till next time...
Peace, Love, and always hot coco and fries

Library

i am at the library instead of the mall or being with a guy friend of mines becuz my mom treats me like a child and i have no freedom for an 18 year old. i don't kno y she does this but it irritates me. i mean yo...when i got here she told me if i was going to see any friends 0f mines from the past...and i told her i was not sure yet. and she said ok but if i as to change my mind she wud be happy to take me to c them. so here it is new years and my mom will not let me so and see my guy friend at the mall because he gave me a "love bite"...oh nd btw this is the same guy i talk about all of the time he is super amazing. but jus becuz she is miserable all of the time she wants me to b like her...nd it sux! but i have no way of doing stuff by my self so i'll jus get iver it and hope i can chill with him later tonite.

happy new year
till next time...
"Peace, Love, and always hot coco and fries

It's Morning...but it don't mean its a good one

just woke up about...(checks texts in phone)...8:40ish. I layed down like i do every morning and gave my "Good Morning" texts to my friends, and one of they replyed back to me saying, "jus cuz its da mornin don't mean its a good one". i read it and i was like woah! But i was very happy and bouncy and anxious so i left it alone...in the morning i have no room for negative energy. but then again i don't like in the afternoon, or night either.
gotta do some shit early this morning...then this afternoon i'm suppose to c this guy friend i always talk about.
till next time....
Peace, Love and always hot coco and fries

Time to Sleep

Ok...so its like 1:47am and i can't sleep...i hate not sleeping cuz i need my rest for wat i'm suppose to do in a few hours. but i'm thinking about him to much...he is all i think about every second of everyday...but i wonder if he ever thinks about me as much as i think about him...oh well i hope that we get together becuz that wud be messed up if we don't...we belong together...well i think so. anyways i'm gonna tell him my decicsion to stay in New York...i hope he is happy and wants to continue our relationship...cuz he is amazingly perfect for me...he is strong silly sexii a great dancer and wen i am with him my world is complete... Wait is it possible that i am falling in love with him? i did and still do love him but being in love and loving someone is two different stories. i love the way he holds me and the way he will grab my neck and just kiss me in the middle of the mall...he makes me feel soooo beautiful wen i feel like shit. if this isn't love...i don't kno wat love is. and he uses the same 'made-up' words like i do...i hope this was ment to be because i love being around him...he makes me feel complete. well...i gotta go to bed(or try)...will b thinking of him.
till next time....
Peace, Love, and hot coco and fries

They say i'm depressed...

i think that i'm not depressed....but my family thinks other wise apparently. i do love my family but they shud rele stop talking behind each others back....families are suppose to stick together not fall apart...i'm not saying everything shud be perfect but seriously. anyways my mom and nosy sister think i have a problem with depression...but idk....cuz i don't or mayb i do...omg mayb i am depressed...that wud make sence becuz i hate my mom for giving my sister everything i never had. but that wud explain alot of anger i have towards my mom and sister. they are always laughing and having a good job making fun of at or about me...but if i say anything off color they flip shit! i am super irritated...but there is not much i can do...for the most part my mom takes care of me...but i am soon finding my own way throughout this crazy world. oh well my mom says that i shud"Just get over it" if i have a problem with her...but that never works. cuz with her the problem just keeps comming back. but i guess i'll keep my head up and hope and strive for the best becuz i deserve the best...no wait....scrath that...i deserve more than the best!
till next time....
Peace, Love, and always hot coco and fries

Random

bored....very much bored....people will not leave me alone...very irritated but i have no were else to go. so i will just have to get over the fact that wenever she says a "joke" that is super rude i'll jus have to ignore it (and her)! anyways i can't wait for tomorrow, meeting my guy friend...wondering if we are gonna take the next step or not...if we do...no one will understand how happy i will be. but then again anything will be much better than being in a shitty hotel with my shit talking mother...blah blah blah...all she does is run her fucking wide mouth. oh well...gotta look something up. till next time....
peace, love, and always hot coco and fries

Love Bite

So like today i went to the mall with my sister to hang out with a couple friends of ours...my sis and her friend went off and did there own thing and me and my guy friend went to go for a walk around the mall to catch up on old times cuz we ain't seen each other for 5 years...we went to see Bedtime Stories...and it was super cuteness...anyways in the theater we were making out and chilling and he gave a love bite on my chest. the movie ended and we meet up with my sister and then we walked to the car with my mother waiting...i told y mom who he was(i dated him years ago) and we kissed and we left.

My mom 2 sisters, and i left the mall and went to Target...we all went our own ways and meet up at the food stand and ate...then we left and went "home". wen we got "home" she noticed my love bite and flipped shit! she was calling me a whore and she was all like ,"i thought u was better than that.....nd how dare u let a man suck on u like dat...or my personal fav...that is very disrespectful to me!" Oh well...i gotta go and play cards....have fun!
Peace love and always hot coco and fries

The calm after the storm

Got into a pretty nasty argument with her over my diary entry...i jus wish she wud stay out of my things...cuz if i were to look through her things she wud flip out...but oh well...omg the i pod talk is getting more irritating every second...but i'm a big gurl so i'll jus have to get over it as i sit here talking to the computer spilling out my guts to anyone who will listen...but this is the magic of the internet...so i like this!
its snowing outside again i think...nd i miss my friend....she is funny and she makes me happy if i'm upset or if i need a listening ear...lol...i sound silly...but silly is not necessarily a bad thingy

tomorrow is the day after x-mas nd i need 2 find my moneys and get my shopping on...beep beep hey! so have fun
peace love and always hot coco and fries

"merry christmas"

first thing i say and hear in the morning...but y? its not a merry christmas...as i sit in a chair staring into the screen that is my laptop...i listen to musiq but i jus wanna kick and scream like a kid in a store that doesn't get wat they want....but oh well i'm 18. "jus get over it" is wat my g-ma tells me on the phone wen i call to vent my feelings...nothing is the way it was or the way its suppose to be...i feel so trapped...so i sit here with tears in my eyes....i want to hold them back cuz i can't tell my mom the reel reason y i am crying...but she is never gonna read this so i will tell whoever will listen. the reason that i am crying....i don't kno y i am crying...but i so wish i did...that wud make everything so easy...but my life is anything but easy!
y do i have the life i do?
y am i here?
i hate these stupid questions...but i still wonder....oh well
gotta run and save the world...lolz.
peace love and always hot coco and fries